JANE EYRE GETS REAL–FREE READING SEPT. 1 ON AMAZON

Standard

 

More fun than a bonnet! Read the novel that combines 19th century literary characters with reality TV!

Jane Eyre Gets Real is avail. until midnight, Sept. 1 for free on amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Jane-Eyre-Gets-Real-Annabelle-ebook/dp/B00FAS3I7O

Jane Eyre wakes up to find herself in contemporary NYC, as part of a reality TV show. Other contestants include Heidi, Sherlock Holmes, David Copperfield, Dorian Gray, Alice in Wonderland, Hester Prynne, Emma Bovary and Mr. Darcy. To return “home”, she must convince enough people to read her novel. But, with a brand new career and a romance with Jack, the show’s intriguing production assistant, she might decide to just stay in modern times.

 

FREE FOR LABOR DAY WEEKEND: JANE EYRE GETS REAL

Standard

Don’t go to the beach this weekend! Stay inside and read the novel that combines 19th century literary characters with reality TV!

Jane Eyre Gets Real is avail. Aug 30, Sept. 1 and Sept 2, for free on amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Jane-Eyre-Gets-Real-Annabelle-ebook/dp/B00FAS3I7O

Jane Eyre wakes up to find herself in contemporary NYC, as part of a reality TV show. Other contestants include Heidi, Sherlock Holmes, David Copperfield, Dorian Gray, Alice in Wonderland, Hester Prynne, Emma Bovary and Mr. Darcy. To return “home”, she must convince enough people to read her novel. But, with a brand new career and a romance with Jack, the show’s intriguing production assistant, she might decide to just stay in modern times.

 

Heidi Goes Back to School

Standard

The Swiss have always been pioneers in children’s education. In the early 19th century educator Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi founded several schools throughout Switzerland with the motto “Learning by head, hand and heart”. By 1830 illiteracy in that country was almost completely wiped out.  Today Switzerland is known for its expensive private schools and for “alternative” educational methods, such as holding kindergarten in a pine forest:

http://vimeo.com/32463946

So it’s no wonder Heidi is looking forward to attending fourth grade in contemporary New York City. Here are some essential items she will need to survive.

Humorous cat tee:

Hello Kitty pencil box, because every girl needs a touch of retro whimsy:

A backpack–The North Face makes kids’ sizes; hardy AND pastel:

 

Sherlock Holmes Reviews Magic in the Moonlight

Standard

It was with some trepidation that I ventured out to see the latest Woody Allen film; I don’t enjoy cinema at the best of times and I had the feeling that this movie was going to be more predictable than most. I was right. If the intention was to create a treacly confection, with beautiful scenery, unbelievable sentiments and a paper-thin plot, the director did a remarkable job.

Nor was I impressed by the acting of Miss Stone. I had been told, by Hester Prynne who was most taken with Stone’s portrayal of a beleagured young virgin in something called Easy A, that she is an exceptional actress. Here, she played a tomboyish Daisy Miller-type heroine all too well, without any of the mystery or nuance that would have made the sophisticated hero’s love for her seem realistic.

The one thing that kept me engrossed was Colin Firth. In his depiction of a professional magician who longs in some secret part of himself to believe in miracles, I found, I must confess, some resonance with my own private longings. Like him, I don’t yield easily–to clairvoyants, or redheads, or love. Unlike him I am not sure I wish to; cocaine, my friendship with Watson–which is NOT, I hasten to assure you, a “man crush” as Dorian Gray calls it–and my violin have proved to be enough. It will have to be an exceptional blue moon which changes THAT.

Jane Eyre Grills Cheese

Standard

When the porridge is burnt at Lowood School, kindly teacher Miss Temple gives the girls, including Jane, bread and cheese instead. This prompts the following words from Mr. Brocklehurst,  the evil principal:  “Oh, madam, when you put bread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children’s mouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think how you starve their immortal souls!”
Jane isn’t buying it. Once she gets to New York City, it amuses her to find that artisinal grilled cheese has becoming the biggest food trend since gourmet burgers. Her favorite 5 step recipe:

1. Butter two thick slices of good country bread.

2. Set more butter to sizzling in a hot pan. Lay one slice of bread, butter side down, in the pan. Top the bread with sharp cheddar cheese.  Add anything fancy you please, such as sauteed mushrooms, slices of tomato, or even something really exotic like mango.

3. Set the other piece of bread on top of it, and gently, very gently, press it down with a spatula. You don’t want to flatten it too much or else it will become a panini–then what would Mr. Brocklehurst say?

4.  Wait one minute, then flip sandwich over.  Let the other side brown, too.

5. Once your sandwich is a soft toasty gold, finish it by placing it on a baking sheet in a warm oven. 

Jane serves this to Heidi with tomato soup, Campbell’s I’m afraid. Dorian likes his with a good stiff Bloody Mary.  Just remember: don’t eat grilled cheese after midnight. Victorians believed this would bring about dreams of Lucifer.

Written in the Stars: What are the Astrology Signs of Jane Eyre/Madame Bovary?

Standard

Literary characters have birthdays like everybody else. And sun signs. Since specific birthdays are rarely mentioned in print, the trick is to figure out when our favorite protagonists might have born based on their temperments and inclinations.

Here’s my best guess:

VIRGO: JANE EYRE–gentle, with love of duty and heart of gold, studious and accomplished, who comes up from behind; Cinderella was also a Virgo

ARIES: EMMA BOVARY–impetuous, impatient, idealistic; Aries is the sign most likely to get into significant debt and they live for whirlwind romance

SCORPIO: HESTER PRYNNE–intense, smouldering and never lets anything go. Obsessed with birth, death, love, guilt

SAGITTARIOUS: HEIDI–outgoing, loyal, friendly; loves travel and athletic pursuits such as rambling after goats up the Swiss Alps

AQUARIUS: ALICE IN WONDERLAND–free-spirited, offbeat and dreamy, like her creator Lewis Carroll; Aquarian women are known for being the most beautiful of all the zodiac

Now for the guys:

CAPRICORN, SHERLOCK HOLMES–as literary legend would have it, Holmes was born on Jan. 6, 1854. He is definitely saturnine–dark, moody, and he loves a mystery. Male capricorns also have a lot of mother/female issues

CANCER, DAVID COPPERFIELD–we know he was born at midnight, on a Friday, with a caul over his head. He’s also a moon child, with his ready sentimentality and love of water (his first love is a fisherman’s daughter). And he winds up prosperous in the end.

GEMINI, DORIAN GRAY–charming liar with dual personalities and expensive tastes. What else could he be?

 As for MR. DARCY, I am guessing Libra. What do you think?